Telling Our Children

It's hard and emotional to tell those you love that you have cancer. It is especially hard when it is your sweet, young children. We always want to protect our children from the harshness of life, but sometimes that harshness finds us and we have to find a way to talk to them about things we don't want to talk about.

Lucas and Addy knew that I was sick and that I was going to the hospital to see doctors who were going to help me. ​When we finally had the diagnosis, we knew the kids needed to know, but what do you say and how? Being honest with our children has always been important to us and we were advised that, in this situation, we needed to be completely honest and rely on our faith to help our children understand and find comfort.

We started by telling them how much we love them and that we needed to tell them why I am sick and what that means for our family. So you just have to find the strength to say the words, "I have cancer," and we explained what that meant. They both were relieved to know that it's not their fault and they did nothing to cause this and that it isn't contagious. We explained to them my treatment plan and how that would affect me and our family. We assured them that I was going to do everything I can to try and get well, but that sometimes when you get cancer you don't always get well. Those were the most difficult words I have ever had to say to anyone. ​Lucas knew what that meant, but didn't say anything at the time and Addy hugged me and then, looking at her, feet said, "Mama, are these my socks or yours?" We all laughed and I was thankful for Addy's sweet and funny personality. We talked about how, as a family, we need to be praying for God to heal me because the doctors do what they can to help me, but God is the one who heals.

Later that evening, Lucas came to me with questions and, as we talked, he encouraged me! He talked to me about Bethany Hamilton and how I could be like her because she should of died, but that God did a miracle. He then said that already God has been doing miracles for me! I was amazed at how calm he was as he spoke about the hope that he had. He then began to talk about Heaven and that was when I realized how much he understood from our conversation earlier. I hugged him for a long time and I cried with him and I told him I didn't want to leave him yet, but if I did go to Heaven I wouldn't be sick anymore and I wouldn't be sad. We talked about how awesome it would be to see Jesus and our loved ones and we talked about how I would get to meet our first baby. Lucas said that he would miss me, but that he knows that he would see me again someday! I shared with him some of the verses that had been encouraging me and he especially liked: "Commit everything you do to The Lord. Trust Him and He will help you. Be still in the presence of The Lord, and wait patiently for Him to act". -Psalm 37:5,7

Addy didn't say much about our conversation for a couple of weeks, but one night as I tucked her in she started to talk about me not being here and about me being in Heaven. She hugged me and we cried together and then she said, "Mommy, you know God made you and even before He made you He knew you and He knew every day." I said, "that's right, Addy, when did you learn that?" She said, " at church in Ms. Joy and Ms. Kathy's class" and then I remembered the three basic truths for her class: "God Made Me! God Loves Me! Jesus Wants to be my friend forever"!

I'm so thankful that even though my children are young, they know God and know His truth. I know that many of you have been praying for our children and, because of that, I know God has been giving them peace and comfort and that He is protecting them during this difficult time.

Kierstyn is our happy baby girl. She brings us smiles when there are tears. She comforts us often as she is untouched by the heartache we all feel at times and she is growing and learning more everyday. Her favorite words are "Hey" and "Dada". She is an encouragement to us because she is a reminder to our family that God hears our prayers and answers us in His time. Lucas and Addy prayed for so long for a little sister and she is a delight to us all!

Jesus said, "Let the children come to me. Don't stop them! For the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to those who are like these children."
-Matthew 19:14

A Wonderful Life

I have been overwhelmed by the support and encouragement we have received. Our family, friends, and community have come together and brought us so much comfort during a very difficult time. You will never know how much your prayers, cards, messages, kind words, transportation, child care, meals, and financial support have blessed us. Sometimes I feel like George Bailey to have received such an outpouring of love and to ​know how much everyone cares for our family. This situation is not what we expected in life. No one expects to get cancer but we are blessed and we can be joyful even in the darkest times. This situation gave me the opportunity to see life from a different perspective. To cherish the things we often take for granted, the time we are given and the relationships we have with family and friends. My children's smiles, hugs, and kisses are all the more sweeter and the time spent with my husband is more precious. Most importantly this has been a time of drawing even closer to God and receiving great comfort and strength only He can give! Yes, I truly have been blessed with a wonderful life!

Treatments

The past couple of weeks I have met with my Radiation and Medical Oncologists and feel so blessed to be at Johns Hopkins for treatment. I really like my doctors and Josh and I feel comfortable there. I have also completed my base labs and MRI and CT scans. I did not enjoy the mold for my treatment mask! That was another situation where the verse "Be still and know that I am God" calmed my anxious thoughts and gave me peace. ​I am so thankful that God gives me His word when I need it to get me through the difficult moments. I begin my Radiation and Chemo on Monday, March 11th. I will be able to stay in Baltimore during the week for my treatments and will not have to commute. This was a blessing to us that we did not expect and I am truly thankful!

Post Surgery Follow Up Appointment

I'm sorry I haven't updated you from my appointment yesterday. I had a rough night last night with a migraine. The tumor is a grade 3 and it is considered cancer. I will begin radiation and chemo as soon as possible and hopefully will hear from the doctor's office by the end of the week. My treatments may have to be at Hopkins and will only be done locally if he is comfortable with the options. The radiation will be done 5 days a week for 6 weeks and the chemo will be an oral pill that I will take daily. I will continue chemo for 6 months after radiation (1 week/month). After 2 months they will do another MRI to see how the tumor is responding to treatment. These tumors are unpredictable and could respond more like a level 2 or more like a 4 (which would be more aggressive). Only time will tell what my tumor will do.  The tumor does appear to be very cellular which usually responds better to treatment. Our God is bigger than this and He is the one who heals! I am still recovering from surgery and doing a little better every day. I am to try to live each day as normal as possible and enjoy my family and friends. I'm so thankful for all of you! The past day has been difficult but my hope comes from the Lord! In Him I am finding peace and comfort and the strength to face each day. I love you all! I cannot thank you enough for your support, it has really helped me through to know how much you all care!

The Lord has been encouraging me through His Word everyday and I wanted to share with you what I read this morning.

The Lord watches over those who fear him, those who rely on his unfailing love. He rescues them from death and keeps them alive in times of famine. We put our hope in the Lord. He is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust his holy name. Let your unfailing love surround us, Lord, for our hope is in you alone.  Psalm 33:18-22

Post Surgery Update

​My surgery went well and I came home Tues. night and I'm doing well. I haven't had too much pain and I have been able to sleep fairly well. Right now I'm to focus on recovery and limit my daily activity. I have been referred for PT/OT. I am going to Johns Hopkins on Tues. Feb. 12 for my follow up to have my staples removed and, hopefully, my biopsy results will be in as well so we can begin a plan for treatment. When in the hospital the Dr. said surgery at this point is not a good option because the tumor is deep and, as it has grown, it has intwined with my brain. Therefore, surgery would involve not getting all the tumor and, in the process could alter my quality of life. I will be doing radiation, but will need chemo only if the tumor is a higher grade. Please pray for the best results possible for this situation! God gave me such a peace through this week. When going into the OR I could feel His presence and I was not afraid. Ultimately, I know that my life is in His hands and that He has known all my days before I was even born. I am trusting His will for me and I know He is the one who can heal me perfectly and completely! Thank you for praying, for all of your encouragement, and your support. It has been a great comfort to us! Please pray for Lucas and Addy because it is now obvious that I am not well. They have been asking more questions and have been sad at times. Please pray for peace for them and for wisdom for us to know how to help them through this time. Kierstyn is doing great and I'm so thankful that she has continued to transition well through all of the changes. She is a happy six month old, playing and learning to push herself up. Her smiles bring us all such joy during this difficult time.

Surgery

Thank you God for loving me! Lord, thank you for guarding me as I come and go. I pray today you carry me through each step. I'm struggling right now. I thank you that my strength comes from you when I am weak. I pray for wisdom for the doctors, that my surgery goes well, and for good results. You know what all of this is already - you've known since before I was born and you know all of my days both now and forever. Give me a peace through this day like one I have never experienced before!​

​Search for the Lord and for His strength; continually seek Him, remember the wonders He has performed, His miracles, and the rulings He has given. - 1 Chronicles 16:11,12

Father God...

Father God, I am thankful that you are with me. The past couple of weeks have been so difficult and at times it feels like all of it is too much but you have given me strength and you have been giving me peace. Thank you for loving me! Thank you for all of the support I have received from family and friends. You have blessed me so much. I am so thankful for your Word, it has been a great comfort and you have given me what I need each day through it.

MRI & Surgery Dates

I have an MRI on Friday at 10:30 a.m. at Johns Hopkins to check the protein levels in my brain. This will help determine how aggressive the tumor is. On Monday I am scheduled for a second MRI at 6:30 a.m. and surgery at 10:30 a.m. to do the biopsy. I will need to stay in the hospital at least for one night. The past couple of weeks have been very difficult and I am so thankful for your prayers and your encouragement!