I Love It There
Making changes and living one day at a time is much easier said than done. I really do not like things to change, I never have and many times I resist it as much as I can. I like my days to be scheduled, balanced, and I usually have high expectations that I feel need to be met or I feel like I've failed. This way of living is exhausting because it is impossible and it ultimately steals from you the joy and blessings of the day. As I am learning to accept the constant daily changes, I am learning to appreciate the blessings that come from living one day at a time. The strength this requires is beyond me. I often hear that I am a very strong person. Actually, I am not. The strength you are seeing in me is the Lord's great work because I am finally getting out of the way and giving Him all of me.
Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:8-10 NLT)
This past year my days have been full of weakness and hardships that seem like too much to bear but this has only driven me closer to Jesus. I was talking to a dear friend about this and I told her but, " I love it there." So she encouraged me to write about how much I love being closer to Jesus. This trial, this pain and weakness has allowed me to grow and change in ways I did not know I could. Before cancer, I hated my life. It looked like I had it all together. It looked like I had the perfect family and a happy, full life but really I was falling apart. I was miserable. I had actually told Josh that they would be better off without me. I was not in a good place. Then, not even a month later, I received my diagnosis. This gave me a new perspective and the challenges of change. Today, I can honestly say that I would not want to go back. All of the hardships have brought about the most important changes in me which are a result of drawing closer to Jesus and completely surrendering to Him my ways, my plans, my life. As I have allowed Him to draw me close and change me, I have found how much I love being right there with Him. There I have found a peace and a closeness with Him that I do not want to trade for anything. There I have found purpose and been given His strength. There I am complete and have a joy despite the pain and hardships.
You love him even though you have never seen him. Though you do not see him now, you trust him; and you rejoice with a glorious, inexpressible joy. The reward for trusting him will be the salvation of your souls. (1 Peter 1:8, 9 NLT)
Hillsong United - Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)
Verse #1
You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown, where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep, my faith will stand
Chorus:
And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours, and You are mine
Verse #2
Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed, and You won't start now
Chorus:
So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours, and You are mine
Bridge:
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior
Ending:
I will call upon Your name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours, and You are mine
I am Yours, and You are mine
I am Yours, and You are mine
I am Yours, and You are mine