I had a great weekend resting at home with my family. I always feel stronger at home and I'm so thankful to be starting my last week of radiation today! It has been a challenging seven weeks and our family is looking forward to Friday, when I will be coming home and taking a break from all treatment for four weeks. I am at a loss for words to describe this part of the journey. At times, it has been overwhelming but we have been abundantly blessed in so many ways.
This weekend I've spent a lot of time with Lucas, listening to his fears, talking, and sharing with him what God is doing in my life. I have always struggled with peace and completely trusting God. When I think about the times over the years when the major trials would come, I would find myself completely surrendered and trusting because I knew God was my only hope. As time passed and the trials would end I would then begin to rely on my own strength and become comfortable enough not to seek God's presence everyday. I don't want to live that way ever again. This time has brought me so close to my Heavenly Father and I don't ever want to live outside of His peace and will again. He truly designed us to be in a close and personal relationship with Him!
Lucas asked me Saturday night what the peace God gave me is like and I tried to explain in words what I have experienced. Later that night these are the words God gave me and what I shared with my family in the morning.
I am calm - a stillness in Trusting Him, not a feeling but a Knowing of security
He is saying it is okay, everything will be okay - that still doesn't mean I know what the end of this journey looks like or what more I must endure but I know I am not alone. I feel surrounded by His presence and love. I rest in His promises. I cry out for mercy and healing because of His unfailing love. His Living Word which is treasured in my heart, reminds me of His promises, it comforts me, it gives me hope, and keeps me focused on the Truth.
Jesus, my Rock and my Redeemer Lives. He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life!
So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor. Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you. In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation. My purpose in writing is to encourage you and assure you that what you are experiencing is truly part of God’s grace for you. Stand firm in this grace. (1 Peter 5:6, 7, 10, 12b NLT)
So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world. You love him even though you have never seen him. Though you do not see him now, you trust him; and you rejoice with a glorious, inexpressible joy. The reward for trusting him will be the salvation of your souls. (1 Peter 1:6-9 NLT)
One last thought:
Last night when talking in Josh and I's room, Lucas asked why it's the most comfortable room in the house? Why it's the so peaceful and calm, and helps him to rest. I asked him who gives him the most comfort? He said, "well, God". I said, "and who did God give you to take care of you" and he said, "my mom and dad". I thought about that and how that is who God is to us, our Heavenly Dad. The One to whom, when we are lost, afraid, and need that comfort and rest, He is right there waiting for us and wants to give it to us! I woke up to beautiful sunshine and on either side of me are my precious, sleeping children, sleeping so peacefully. What, a treasured moment! Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him. (Psalms 127:3 NLT)
Have a beautiful and blessed week!