We met with my surgeon on Thursday, February 6th, for my follow up appointment. I had my staples removed and I am recovering and healing well from the surgery. It was confirmed that the new enhancement in the area of concern is new tumor growth and is a Grade 4. We will go back to Johns Hopkins next Thursday, February 13th to meet with my Medical Oncologist to discuss my course of treatment.
I am so thankful that God prepared me for this part of the journey. I am aware that He is with me and I'm staying close to Him. This past week, it has been impressed upon my heart that this road is going to be uncertain and long but I need to walk closely with Jesus. Hand in hand he will guide me along the path, up the steep cliffs to come. I am not afraid. However, it does make me sad to see those that I love the most, hurting so much. We are open and honest with each other and have been able to share our hearts and thoughts. We are supporting and loving each other as the uncertainty of it all waits before us. We stand firm to the promises that were given to me twice the night before my appointment (from our family devotional and from an email from someone I have never met).
God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble. So we will not fear when earthquakes come and the mountains crumble into the sea. Let the oceans roar and foam. Let the mountains tremble as the waters surge! (Psalms 46:1-3 NLT)
We are all tired and it has been difficult to start over. You just want it all to end. However, we have not lost hope in knowing that Our God is so powerful and if it is His will for me and our family, He can take this from me in an instant and put us on a new path. He has a plan and we are trusting it, no matter where it leads or what the outcome. His ways are not our ways and sometimes we don't understand. Honestly, I don't need to understand and I don't need answers.
“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts. (Isaiah 55:8, 9 NLT)
Therefore, I must simply trust my Creator. The one who completely knows and unconditionally loves me and my family. As we continue on I'm encouraged to remember that Jesus said:
“Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30 NLT)
We are weary and we are all carrying heavy burdens but I'm so thankful Jesus promises us rest. I will put my hope in that.
This reminded me of one of my favorite songs that I learned as a child and I taught it to the kids before bed.We laughed at my awful singing but the words are comforting and encouraging. They hold the promise of rest:
I cast all my cares upon you,
I lay all of my burdens,
Down at your feet,
I don't know,
What to do,
I will cast all my cares upon you.
Then Addy says with a smile and crinkled nose, "at His feet? That would be stinky." Lucas my serious one, says, "no Jesus is God, His feet wouldn't stink." Then we discussed whether or not Jesus had stinky feet and laughed together some more! I love how God brings joy and laughter into our home even on the most difficult days.
Thank you everyone for your continued thoughts and prayers. Your encouraging messages, your generosity, your acts of kindness and love are blessing us and helping us through each day. Blessings to you all as you cast all your cares upon Him.